pf chang's is certainly not vietnamese reid

Yes and no.

I regret the post but only as it happened in real time. I should have waited and posted later, after the fact. I made the post seconds after it happened and I was shaking and furious with myself for the way that I'd handled everything. And as such I didn't post the full context of the event, nor did I explain/articulate well what really happened.

Worse, I think when you read it, it reads like I was very calm and cavalier about the whole thing, which couldn't be further from the truth. I was so angry and upset with myself. Because that's just not me. But I left out a lot of the story and the events leading up to it (I also left out everything that came after).

Not that I think that absolves me of anything. It doesn't. But all of us are complex people. We all have good days and bad days. And there's no room for nuance or context in my original post. Mostly because I hated myself in the moment. I had no perspective in the moment and so I didn't want anyone else who read the post the have any perspective either. I was a villain and I painted myself as such, appropriately.

I don't regret the post in general though because I truly believe that the only way to learn and get better is to own up to our actions and take responsibility. If I had ignored what happened or acted like it didn't happen or made a big deal out of the steps taken to make amends after the fact, it would have been disingenuous and narcissistic and gross. RM is a zero sum game. There was no way that the full truth would have done anything but hurt me. It would have looked like I was back peddling or lying or some such. So fine. There is no point in revealing all of that. Let RM be RM and do what RM does. I deserve the punishment.

See, I've always struggled with anger and depression and I've never sought out professional help. I admit this is a tremendous failing of mine Strat and Ruddo, unfortunately, can attest to my depression and frequent slides into desperation. I have unfairly leaned on them for help many times in real life in the past. Ruddo, especially. And that's not fair to him but if I'm being totally honest, there's a good chance that I'm still here because he bothered to let me vent and he opened himself up to me and kept me from doing something stupid. I do not deserve his attention, help, or affection. I have burdened him irresponsibly but he has always been there without fail and without resentment. He has no idea what that's meant to me

But anyway... As a substitute for real therapy I've turned to RM (stupid, I know, and reckless, but as I've established, I don't make great decisions all the time). Most of the time what I get back from RM is open conversation and discussion and sometimes even support. What I gave in telling that particular story has been thrown back at me by people who are trolls or enjoy drama and derision, people who have their own insecurities. Throwing it back in my face as a goof or a joke is, I guess fine, and I opened myself up to it, but it's still shitty. But I can't really get mad about that because I gave it to them. It's all on me.

At the end of the day, regardless of the full context, my behavior was gross and that makes me feel awful, so I'm fine taking my lumps. But no one here can truly understand how badly I feel about it and no one here will ever make me feel worse about myself than I already make myself feel. That's the honest truth. I hang on to stuff like this. I think about it every day. And I genuinely hate myself. Because that's not the person I believe I am, nuance or no. 9 times out of 10 I wouldn't behave that way. But there were a lot of things that day that lead to that reaction. Again, that isn't an excuse. I'm not after absolution. But it's part of the full context which RM has never known.

So it's really not a big deal. The repetition and the unoriginality of the posts attacking me and referencing the event sort of gets to me sometime (trag is the biggest offender here). But I shared it willingly. So, I can't complain too much.

I hope that make sense.

I came to this thread to ask for BBQ sauce recommendations but that feels inappropriate now

get the vinegar based sauce from Scott's

Thanks, I’ll try to find this

You still anti-hot food?

My favorite "BBQ sauce" is Pain is Good Louisiana Style, which is actually a hot sauce. It's not as hot as the name would indicate (it has a nice burn to it, but I find it pretty mild altogether; even my total hot sauce newb gf loves it.) The flavor is incredible.

I’m coming around a bit on heat. I’m really trying to push myself into it. I’ll give that one a shot too.

Are you really going to? Please do

I absolutely am, but unfortunately I couldn’t find it in store today. I will keep searching.

Ordering online is your best bet. It's a small company and they produce their sauces in small batches.

That doesn’t help the pulled pork I’m making on Saturday

I cursed out an old lady and her adult son on the phone not too long ago, and now here I am posting about it in the food thread.

What preferences do you have in BBQ sauce? Are you vinegar guy? Growing up in KC, I'm obviously biased toward KC style. If you can find a bottle of Gates BBQ sauce, I would HIGHLY recommend it. But not KC Masterpiece. Don't waste your time with that just because it says "KC" on it.

Life.

Amirite?

I’m just here to learn about BBQ sauce.

you've come to the right place

I honestly don’t think I’m educated enough on the subject to have a solid opinion. I generally lean toward sweeter sauces, but I’m open to anything.

I had to kind of go with my gut based on labels at the store yesterday, so I got these two:

Let me know how you feel about that Grumpy's.

grumpy shultz sounds like most of neighbors from the upper west side