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 Post subject: Re: R.I.P.
PostPosted: Sat June 09, 2018 4:16 am 
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LoathedVermin72 wrote:
daft twat wrote:
Anthony Bourdain is nobody to me. My wife is a fan, so I know him. I couldn’t get past the smugness. But the reactions here by keyboard slammers I appreciate - LV, Joey, Ruddo, etc. - bring me back to just over a year ago. I didn’t know Cornell, but I cried. I stayed home from work, watched Cornell videos all day, and hit refresh on threads here. I tried to make sense of it. I was sad and angry. I felt ripped off. Mostly, because I loved him, I convinced myself that it was drugs and that he wasn’t in his right mind.

And here’s the thing: he probably wasn’t. In the past year I’ve had more days where I’ve thought about suicide than not. I think about it early in the morning when I’m walking the dog and late at night when I’m drinking alone. I don’t know why. I have a good job, great friends, a loving wife, healthy kids, and numerous things to look forward to. I also have depression, anxiety, misophonia, and almost certainly bipolar disorder, but I’ll never go in for any of it because I’m terrified that I’ll be prescribed a pill, take it with alcohol, and do what I wouldn’t otherwise do. Cornell wrote songs about suicide for 30 years, and then a pill or 6 took away the inhibition. Sober me would never type this on RM. I’ll be embarrassed in the morning.

So tonight I finished off another Costco bottle of cheap whiskey. I haven’t been sober for more than 48 hours since Thanksgiving. Tomorrow, I’ll try again. I have an 11 year old, too. And an 8 year old. But I’m not 61. Just 41. Miles to go before I sleep. Rip, Anthony, and everyone else who gave in today.

This is the best post I’ve ever read on RM. Now I’m crying again. I love you, DT. This is poetry.

Me too.

And I've got nothing to say., Not even the one thing

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 Post subject: Re: R.I.P.
PostPosted: Sat June 09, 2018 4:19 am 
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spike wrote:
BurtReynolds wrote:
Anyway, here is a random graph I found. What what was going on in 1970 and 1990?

Image

everyone coming down from the decade long parties that were the 60s and 80s

I was thinking the end of the Cold War or something. But the nineties would make anyone suicidal.

From what I understand women attempt suicide nearly as much as men, but they're less likely to succeed.

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 Post subject: Re: R.I.P.
PostPosted: Sat June 09, 2018 4:24 am 
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For the females, that was when the beatles broke up

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lennytheweedwhacker wrote:
i ran over a bird this morning :(


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 Post subject: Re: R.I.P.
PostPosted: Sat June 09, 2018 4:40 am 
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BurtReynolds wrote:
I could see myself pulling a Hemingway when I'm old and broken and there isn't anything left to do, but for now, life's a party!


Life is like:

Image

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A+


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 Post subject: Re: R.I.P.
PostPosted: Sat June 09, 2018 5:25 am 
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knee tunes wrote:
LoathedVermin72 wrote:
daft twat wrote:
Anthony Bourdain is nobody to me. My wife is a fan, so I know him. I couldn’t get past the smugness. But the reactions here by keyboard slammers I appreciate - LV, Joey, Ruddo, etc. - bring me back to just over a year ago. I didn’t know Cornell, but I cried. I stayed home from work, watched Cornell videos all day, and hit refresh on threads here. I tried to make sense of it. I was sad and angry. I felt ripped off. Mostly, because I loved him, I convinced myself that it was drugs and that he wasn’t in his right mind.

And here’s the thing: he probably wasn’t. In the past year I’ve had more days where I’ve thought about suicide than not. I think about it early in the morning when I’m walking the dog and late at night when I’m drinking alone. I don’t know why. I have a good job, great friends, a loving wife, healthy kids, and numerous things to look forward to. I also have depression, anxiety, misophonia, and almost certainly bipolar disorder, but I’ll never go in for any of it because I’m terrified that I’ll be prescribed a pill, take it with alcohol, and do what I wouldn’t otherwise do. Cornell wrote songs about suicide for 30 years, and then a pill or 6 took away the inhibition. Sober me would never type this on RM. I’ll be embarrassed in the morning.

So tonight I finished off another Costco bottle of cheap whiskey. I haven’t been sober for more than 48 hours since Thanksgiving. Tomorrow, I’ll try again. I have an 11 year old, too. And an 8 year old. But I’m not 61. Just 41. Miles to go before I sleep. Rip, Anthony, and everyone else who gave in today.

This is the best post I’ve ever read on RM. Now I’m crying again. I love you, DT. This is poetry.

Me too.

And I've got nothing to say., Not even the one thing


I just want to say thank you for sharing, DT. I’ve felt everything you are feeling. I’ve been there. I’ve got the kids, the job, the family, the friends, also the addiction issues, and the fucked up brain frequencies. Just know that things can and will change. Sometimes for the better, but often they just change. Sometimes that can be enough. Thankfully in my case, I’ve made progress. But that would never have been possible without making the decision to live. Just live. Death is eventually inevitable, and unknown. But life is now, and important to so many. Not only for you, but everyone you love. I don’t know you, but I know you are an intelligent and thoughtful person. And I enjoy every contribution you make to this board. I know in the grand scheme of things that means basically nothing, but to me it means something. Be well, friend.

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Post better and stop being a dork.


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 Post subject: Re: R.I.P.
PostPosted: Sat June 09, 2018 8:30 am 
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Image

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 Post subject: Re: R.I.P.
PostPosted: Sat June 09, 2018 11:38 am 
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PHATJ wrote:
knee tunes wrote:
LoathedVermin72 wrote:
daft twat wrote:
Anthony Bourdain is nobody to me. My wife is a fan, so I know him. I couldn’t get past the smugness. But the reactions here by keyboard slammers I appreciate - LV, Joey, Ruddo, etc. - bring me back to just over a year ago. I didn’t know Cornell, but I cried. I stayed home from work, watched Cornell videos all day, and hit refresh on threads here. I tried to make sense of it. I was sad and angry. I felt ripped off. Mostly, because I loved him, I convinced myself that it was drugs and that he wasn’t in his right mind.

And here’s the thing: he probably wasn’t. In the past year I’ve had more days where I’ve thought about suicide than not. I think about it early in the morning when I’m walking the dog and late at night when I’m drinking alone. I don’t know why. I have a good job, great friends, a loving wife, healthy kids, and numerous things to look forward to. I also have depression, anxiety, misophonia, and almost certainly bipolar disorder, but I’ll never go in for any of it because I’m terrified that I’ll be prescribed a pill, take it with alcohol, and do what I wouldn’t otherwise do. Cornell wrote songs about suicide for 30 years, and then a pill or 6 took away the inhibition. Sober me would never type this on RM. I’ll be embarrassed in the morning.

So tonight I finished off another Costco bottle of cheap whiskey. I haven’t been sober for more than 48 hours since Thanksgiving. Tomorrow, I’ll try again. I have an 11 year old, too. And an 8 year old. But I’m not 61. Just 41. Miles to go before I sleep. Rip, Anthony, and everyone else who gave in today.

This is the best post I’ve ever read on RM. Now I’m crying again. I love you, DT. This is poetry.

Me too.

And I've got nothing to say., Not even the one thing


I just want to say thank you for sharing, DT. I’ve felt everything you are feeling. I’ve been there. I’ve got the kids, the job, the family, the friends, also the addiction issues, and the fucked up brain frequencies. Just know that things can and will change. Sometimes for the better, but often they just change. Sometimes that can be enough. Thankfully in my case, I’ve made progress. But that would never have been possible without making the decision to live. Just live. Death is eventually inevitable, and unknown. But life is now, and important to so many. Not only for you, but everyone you love. I don’t know you, but I know you are an intelligent and thoughtful person. And I enjoy every contribution you make to this board. I know in the grand scheme of things that means basically nothing, but to me it means something. Be well, friend.

I sometimes feel when I quote posts that I'm giving the poster a hug, acknowledging that I hear what they are saying. That's how I'm feeling right now.

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It always has to get a little weird.


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 Post subject: Re: R.I.P.
PostPosted: Sat June 09, 2018 1:50 pm 
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daft twat wrote:
Anthony Bourdain is nobody to me. My wife is a fan, so I know him. I couldn’t get past the smugness. But the reactions here by keyboard slammers I appreciate - LV, Joey, Ruddo, etc. - bring me back to just over a year ago. I didn’t know Cornell, but I cried. I stayed home from work, watched Cornell videos all day, and hit refresh on threads here. I tried to make sense of it. I was sad and angry. I felt ripped off. Mostly, because I loved him, I convinced myself that it was drugs and that he wasn’t in his right mind.

And here’s the thing: he probably wasn’t. In the past year I’ve had more days where I’ve thought about suicide than not. I think about it early in the morning when I’m walking the dog and late at night when I’m drinking alone. I don’t know why. I have a good job, great friends, a loving wife, healthy kids, and numerous things to look forward to. I also have depression, anxiety, misophonia, and almost certainly bipolar disorder, but I’ll never go in for any of it because I’m terrified that I’ll be prescribed a pill, take it with alcohol, and do what I wouldn’t otherwise do. Cornell wrote songs about suicide for 30 years, and then a pill or 6 took away the inhibition. Sober me would never type this on RM. I’ll be embarrassed in the morning.

So tonight I finished off another Costco bottle of cheap whiskey. I haven’t been sober for more than 48 hours since Thanksgiving. Tomorrow, I’ll try again. I have an 11 year old, too. And an 8 year old. But I’m not 61. Just 41. Miles to go before I sleep. Rip, Anthony, and everyone else who gave in today.


Cornell devastated me too in a weird way. Felt too close.
Big Hug from here DT.

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 Post subject: Re: R.I.P.
PostPosted: Sat June 09, 2018 2:24 pm 
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Guys, I’m fine. I’ve never stood on an edge. I don’t own a gun. I’d have to google how to make a slip knot, and then it’d probably be so complex I’d push my fingers into my eyes. It’s something I think about and then go to work or to bed. I 99.9% don’t think it’s how I will die. But I’d be lying if I said paying off my mortgage at breakneck pace isn’t motivated by the .01%, just so I know my family will be taken care of. I’m not suicidal, but I’m all of the other things I listed. I don’t know why I posted last night other than I was buzzed and felt like I understood something, though what that was isn’t clear now.

On Memorial Day weekend I spent some time with my parents. My dad is very much the Hemingway type: He worked in the mines, hunts, rides a motorcycle, and flies his own private plane. Aside from working, he still does all that stuff at 67. But his body is breaking down, and he’s miserable. He never showed depression or anxiety or any of that while I was growing up. The motherfucker passed a kidney stone at work. His generation wasn’t allowed to reflect or show weakness. But the other day he told me that if Mom dies, he’s moving to one of the states where assisted suicide is legal. He fucking knew which states they were. I don’t think many people can say there isn’t at least .01% doubt lingering.

I told my wife this morning that I wouldn’t have a drop of alcohol until our European odyssey begins on July 1st. I’ve had sangria in Spain before, and I shall be damned if I’m going to pass on that 16 years later. Anyway, thanks, internet friends, but don’t worry about me. I plan on posting tomorrow. The World Cup starts soon. Like I’d miss that!


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 Post subject: Re: R.I.P.
PostPosted: Sat June 09, 2018 2:26 pm 
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Who are you rooting for?

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oh no!


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 Post subject: Re: R.I.P.
PostPosted: Sat June 09, 2018 2:44 pm 
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I'm sorry to hear about your struggles, inglishteecher.

Go for a run. Get that BQ.

Let's run Boston together.


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 Post subject: Re: R.I.P.
PostPosted: Sat June 09, 2018 2:45 pm 
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theplatypus wrote:
Who are you rooting for?


Well, as my country sits, I will pull for Mother England. However, as I’ll be in Spain from July 9-12, I’d like them to do well so I can get caught up in hysteria.


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 Post subject: Re: R.I.P.
PostPosted: Sat June 09, 2018 2:47 pm 
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run2death wrote:
I'm sorry to hear about your struggles, inglishteecher.

Go for a run. Get that BQ.

Let's run Boston together.


I haven’t been running for months. I will start tomorrow or Monday. I’m afraid I will be quite slow.


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 Post subject: Re: R.I.P.
PostPosted: Sat June 09, 2018 2:50 pm 
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The RM Strava group is here for you!


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 Post subject: Re: R.I.P.
PostPosted: Sun June 10, 2018 7:19 am 
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Like most things involving human beings, there’s no broad brush with which to paint suicide. Some do it because they feel loved ones will be better off without them, some don’t do it because they don’t want to cause a lifetime of pain to those they love. Neither is right or wrong, they are just the choices that we all have with free will and we tend to take the side of what we think we’d do in that situation.

I think humans have, through whatever you want to blame it on, lost a lot of our ability to empathize and I think that’s at the heart of why suicide rates have skyrocketed over the past 20 years. You can even see it in this thread...the inability to hear a point of view we don’t agree with and not react with complete disdain.

Of course suicide is a selfish act. Its definition is the killing of one’s self. And just because I personally couldn't do that to my children, wife and parents doesn’t mean I assign that to everyone. People who take their lives are unquestionably in pain, and I think all we can do is treat each other better. That is what I am taking away from the loss of Anthony Bourdain. I saw a woman lying on the sidewalk Friday, and instead of thinking “another junkie” or something along those lines, I went back to my shop, made a sandwich and put it in a bag with some chips and a bottle of water. I drove back and saw her sitting on a bench. I asked if she was OK and she said no. I offered her the food and she took it. Will it change the trajectory of her life? I don’t know, but in a moment where I had an opportunity to do something positive for another human in pain, I did it.

People need each other. We need more positivity in the world. Sorry for rambling.

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Clutch rules you dummy.


Last edited by meatwad on Mon June 11, 2018 1:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: R.I.P.
PostPosted: Sun June 10, 2018 12:42 pm 
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Don't apologise. I completely agree. We need more empathy and we need to help each other.

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 Post subject: Re: R.I.P.
PostPosted: Sun June 10, 2018 12:57 pm 
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run2death wrote:
The RM Strava group is here for you!

I had a sneak peak at that. I only recognised 2 people.

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So skating back to the train station after work today things went wrong.....now my skateboard is at the bottom of the harbour :(


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 Post subject: Re: R.I.P.
PostPosted: Sun June 10, 2018 9:12 pm 
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run2death wrote:
The RM Strava group is here for you!


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 Post subject: Re: R.I.P.
PostPosted: Sun June 10, 2018 10:46 pm 
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RIP Pavlos Giannakopoulos- Greek businessman and sport administrator!

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 Post subject: Re: R.I.P.
PostPosted: Mon June 11, 2018 12:23 am 
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RIP Ras Kimono, Nigerian Reggae Musician!

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