There’s a 92% chance that wasn’t a dream and you were actually talking to trag on the phone after the Ambien kicked in

Dreamt last night that I was sharing an apartment with my best friend. I got home from work, went back to my room, and saw myself sleeping on my bed. Came back out, asked my friend if I was already home. Then second me walked into the room and we all 3 hung out.

haha wtf

The way I see it, we've only just begun.

In last night’s dream, I was chasing a small red rubber playground ball around a city block. Around and around. Over and over and over. Passing the same people each time. One of them was a Bible salesman who tried and stop me each time to sell me a Bible, but I kept running after the ball. Finally, the salesman stopped the ball for me, so in my gratitude I stopped and listened to him talk about Jesus and I bought a Bible.

Just now

Somehow I won a part on the next Jurassic park movie only instead of Chris Pratt it was the rock starring in it. The problem was I had no idea where to go. I was googling like crazy looking for info but came up empty.
‘I asked google to call the rocks assistant and in a FaceTime call I got through. The assistant answered and said “ hello this is stephe. The rocks assistant. I am currently driving on the freeway why should I pull over to take this call?”

I explained who I was and need help getting to the location. He pulled over and the rock got out of the back with Laura fern and told me to go to the train station in DC 430am. I thanked him and Hung up.

I called my boss to explain I forgot about getting a part I’m the movie and would be taking my vacation days tomorrow for filming. I then tried calling ruddo cause to tell him but remembered I didn’t have his cell so I called his company and they went to check if he was in. I figured if he want I would them call Joey

I was in a rocket ship exploring space and recording a podcast with my friend. We were chased by hostile forces and landed on a strange mini-planet where we found pastries and coffee. We ate the pastries and coffee and immediately our space suits sensors started beeping letting us know that what we had just ingested was toxic. We sat on this weird planet and looked out at the vastness of space, waiting to die.

You ever have one of those Eternal Sunshine type dreams where the environment rapidly changes and mixes together is bizarre ways that you don't notice until you wake up? Had one of those last night. Parts of old houses, a beach, some childhood drawings blown up to giant size, some weird tents, lots of water, etc.

I wish.

Yeah, that's actually what most of mine are like. The ones I post here tend to be the ones I remember well because they're so linear

I invented a device that was like a progress bar towards orgasm. To calibrate it you place it on your pubic area and masturbate five times so it can analyze how your junk works and learn how it behaves when it approaches orgasm. Once calibrated you stick it on your forehead and it's like a power bar in a fighting game. You can wear it during sex and your partner knows how close you are to climaxing, when to stop or keep going, etc. I invented this device and made millions of dollars, but then I was also accused of sexually exploiting my research staff

How do I invest?

I was hired as Julia Roberts' new agent, which gave me a lot of anxiety because I'd never been an agent for a Hollywood actress before. The first thing I did was call Adam Sandler to see if he wanted to make a movie with her, and he said he would do it if I helped paint his house

What color is Adam Sandler's house?

I don't think I got to actually painting it, the dream must have ended shortly after that

I was part of The Office cast. Michael Scott was more like the producer of the show, and he awarded the main characters - Jim, Pam, Dwight, and me I guess - $50 million dollar bonuses. But since Michael is an idiot, he gave them to us in cash. So then the dream turned into an action thriller, where we all had to get our piles of cash safe before someone mugged us or whatever. I remember waves of criminals coming at us, and different elaborate schemes to evade them. It became very stressful.

At some point, Michael also had a pile of cash (I guess he gave himself a bonus too), and kept losing chunks of it due to stupid decisions. That was the comic relief amidst the stress.

Good stuff.

Despite everything, Jim and Pam were still adorable together (I know you were wondering).