The board's server will undergo upgrade maintenance tonight, Nov 5, 2014, beginning approximately around 10 PM ET. Prepare for some possible down time during this process.
FAQ    Search

Board index » Word on the Street » News & Debate




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 31 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: Favorite Bible Passages
PostPosted: Tue April 17, 2018 11:36 pm 
Offline
User avatar
Rank This Poster
 Profile

Joined: Mon March 18, 2013 11:48 pm
Posts: 5223
Location: A Dark Place
God sends two she bears to kill 42 kids for making fun of Elisha's bald head.

And he [Elisha] went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.
And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD.
And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.
And he went from thence to mount Carmel, and from thence he returned to Samaria.


2 Kings 2:23 - 2 Kings 2:25


Top
 
 Post subject: Re: Favorite Bible Passages
PostPosted: Tue April 17, 2018 11:54 pm 
Offline
User avatar
10Club Complaint Department
 Profile

Joined: Wed January 02, 2013 2:02 am
Posts: 15145
Location: Gigatown
run2death wrote:
God sends two she bears to kill 42 kids for making fun of Elisha's bald head.

And he [Elisha] went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.
And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD.
And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.
And he went from thence to mount Carmel, and from thence he returned to Samaria.


2 Kings 2:23 - 2 Kings 2:25

That’s metal AF.


Top
 
 Post subject: Re: Favorite Bible Passages
PostPosted: Wed April 18, 2018 12:04 am 
Offline
User avatar
An enigma of a man shaped hole in the wall between reality and the soul of the devil.
 Profile

Joined: Tue January 01, 2013 5:13 pm
Posts: 39543
Location: 6000 feet beyond man and time.
.

_________________
RM's resident disinformation expert.

“And truly, if life had no purpose, and I had to choose nonsense, this would be the most desirable nonsense for me as well."


Last edited by BurtReynolds on Mon March 06, 2023 6:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Top
 
 Post subject: Re: Favorite Bible Passages
PostPosted: Wed April 18, 2018 12:16 am 
Offline
User avatar
Rank This Poster
 Profile

Joined: Mon March 18, 2013 11:48 pm
Posts: 5223
Location: A Dark Place
God tells Ezekiel he can only have bread bake over a fire of human excrement.

Then says cow shit is OK too.

Now, son of man, take a block of clay, put it in front of you and draw the city of Jerusalem on it. 2 Then lay siege to it: Erect siege works against it, build a ramp up to it, set up camps against it and put battering rams around it. 3 Then take an iron pan, place it as an iron wall between you and the city and turn your face toward it. It will be under siege, and you shall besiege it. This will be a sign to the people of Israel.

4 “Then lie on your left side and put the sin of the people of Israel upon yourself.[a] You are to bear their sin for the number of days you lie on your side. 5 I have assigned you the same number of days as the years of their sin. So for 390 days you will bear the sin of the people of Israel.

6 “After you have finished this, lie down again, this time on your right side, and bear the sin of the people of Judah. I have assigned you 40 days, a day for each year. 7 Turn your face toward the siege of Jerusalem and with bared arm prophesy against her. 8 I will tie you up with ropes so that you cannot turn from one side to the other until you have finished the days of your siege.

9 “Take wheat and barley, beans and lentils, millet and spelt; put them in a storage jar and use them to make bread for yourself. You are to eat it during the 390 days you lie on your side. 10 Weigh out twenty shekels[b] of food to eat each day and eat it at set times. 11 Also measure out a sixth of a hin[c] of water and drink it at set times. 12 Eat the food as you would a loaf of barley bread; bake it in the sight of the people, using human excrement for fuel.” 13 The Lord said, “In this way the people of Israel will eat defiled food among the nations where I will drive them.”

14 Then I said, “Not so, Sovereign Lord! I have never defiled myself. From my youth until now I have never eaten anything found dead or torn by wild animals. No impure meat has ever entered my mouth.”

15 “Very well,” he said, “I will let you bake your bread over cow dung instead of human excrement.”

16 He then said to me: “Son of man, I am about to cut off the food supply in Jerusalem. The people will eat rationed food in anxiety and drink rationed water in despair, 17 for food and water will be scarce. They will be appalled at the sight of each other and will waste away because of[d] their sin.


- Ezekiel 1:1-16.


Top
 
 Post subject: Re: Favorite Bible Passages
PostPosted: Wed April 18, 2018 12:44 am 
Offline
User avatar
NYUCK NYUCK NYUCK
 Profile

Joined: Tue January 01, 2013 3:35 pm
Posts: 32048
Location: Buenos Aires
I get that this thread is making fun of the Bible but some sections are really beautiful-- though sometimes you have to divorce them from their context. For example, 1 Corinthians 13
Quote:
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

It's a lovely passage, but the context is that Paul is fucking pissed off and basically yelling at the Corinthians about the proper way to worship. Similarly, the Psalms are full of lovely words of love and devotion, which, with certain interpretations, are heartwrenchingly beautiful. The Bible is full of boring and weird shit, but every once in a while there are some very inspiring and powerful passages.

_________________
lennytheweedwhacker wrote:
Hehe


Top
 
 Post subject: Re: Favorite Bible Passages
PostPosted: Wed April 18, 2018 12:51 am 
Offline
User avatar
I Have A Third Nipple
 Profile

Joined: Tue January 01, 2013 7:41 am
Posts: 19695
Location: Cumberland, RI
This isn't really news, but the Book of Job, especially the beginning, is great.

My wife and I talk quite frequently about whether we want to try and encourage our kids to enroll in religious studies courses, because there really is such great literature in religious texts; we were raised with it and I studied it pretty extensively, and while we believe in nothing, having a background in the Bible does help you tap into cultural conversations in interesting ways.

_________________
McParadigm wrote:
lol


Top
 
 Post subject: Re: Favorite Bible Passages
PostPosted: Wed April 18, 2018 1:10 am 
Offline
User avatar
Future Drummer
 Profile

Joined: Tue January 08, 2013 10:23 pm
Posts: 3216
Edgy!!


Top
 
 Post subject: Re: Favorite Bible Passages
PostPosted: Wed April 18, 2018 5:57 am 
Offline
Misplaced My Sponge
 Profile

Joined: Wed January 02, 2013 3:41 am
Posts: 5562
It's best that public school students are unable to understand many references in modern literature. Teaching them basic biblical literacy is the worst.


Top
 
 Post subject: Re: Favorite Bible Passages
PostPosted: Wed April 18, 2018 12:37 pm 
Offline
User avatar
NEVER STOP JAMMING!
 Profile

Joined: Wed January 02, 2013 1:56 am
Posts: 21745
Jesus wept.

_________________
(patriotic choking noises)


Top
 
 Post subject: Re: Favorite Bible Passages
PostPosted: Wed April 18, 2018 12:41 pm 
Offline
likes rhythmic things that butt up against each other
 Profile

Joined: Tue January 01, 2013 7:25 pm
Posts: 716
Location: Cleveland
This has been my favorite lately, James Chapter 5.

1 Now listen, you rich people, weep and wail because of the misery that is coming on you. 2 Your wealth has rotted, and moths have eaten your clothes. 3 Your gold and silver are corroded. Their corrosion will testify against you and eat your flesh like fire. You have hoarded wealth in the last days. 4 Look! The wages you failed to pay the workers who mowed your fields are crying out against you. The cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord Almighty. 5 You have lived on earth in luxury and self-indulgence. You have fattened yourselves in the day of slaughter.[a] 6 You have condemned and murdered the innocent one, who was not opposing you.

I'm an incredibly lapsed Catholic so of course I've never read the Bible, but recently listened to Sunday School Dropouts, a podcast by an evangelical turned atheist and someone who had no background in religion at all. They don't snark at it as much as you'd expect, but do call it out for some of its bullshit (particularly the misogyny). I never knew how much weird stuff there was in the Bible, or how much they really like talking about Babylon.


Top
 
 Post subject: Re: Favorite Bible Passages
PostPosted: Wed April 18, 2018 1:03 pm 
Offline
User avatar
NEVER STOP JAMMING!
 Profile

Joined: Wed January 02, 2013 1:56 am
Posts: 21745
I am quite a bit fascinated by the Pericope Adulterae, and have written about it on RM before. It’s interesting to me that a passage so evidently added long after the fact has become among the most famous and referenced passages in the New Testies.

_________________
(patriotic choking noises)


Top
 
 Post subject: Re: Favorite Bible Passages
PostPosted: Wed April 18, 2018 1:36 pm 
Genesis 34. Shechem asks Jacob for his blessing to marry Jacob's daughter Dinah, but not before "defiling" (i.e. abducting and raping) her. Jacob and his sons are pissed. They come up with a plan to give Shechem their blessing, on the condition that he and the all the other men in his tribe circumcise themselves first. Shechem agrees. While he and his men are recovering, Jacob's sons attack the village, slaughter the men, take the women, and plunder the valuables. The chapter ends with Jacob worrying that his neighbors may not trust him anymore.

Very Game of Thronesy.


Top
 
 Post subject: Re: Favorite Bible Passages
PostPosted: Wed April 18, 2018 2:05 pm 
Offline
User avatar
Rank This Poster
 Profile

Joined: Mon March 18, 2013 11:48 pm
Posts: 5223
Location: A Dark Place
Old guy gives respite to Israelite man who has angered the townspeople. Townspeople show up and demand he hand over the Israelite. Instead, the old guy sends out his woman who gets defiled all night by the angry townspeople.

18 And he said unto him, We are passing from Bethlehemjudah toward the side of mount Ephraim; from thence am I: and I went to Bethlehemjudah, but I am now going to the house of the Lord; and there is no man that receiveth me to house.

19 Yet there is both straw and provender for our asses; and there is bread and wine also for me, and for thy handmaid, and for the young man which is with thy servants: there is no want of any thing.

20 And the old man said, Peace be with thee; howsoever let all thy wants lie upon me; only lodge not in the street.

21 So he brought him into his house, and gave provender unto the asses: and they washed their feet, and did eat and drink.

22 Now as they were making their hearts merry, behold, the men of the city, certain sons of Belial, beset the house round about, and beat at the door, and spake to the master of the house, the old man, saying, Bring forth the man that came into thine house, that we may know him.

23 And the man, the master of the house, went out unto them, and said unto them, Nay, my brethren, nay, I pray you, do not so wickedly; seeing that this man is come into mine house, do not this folly.

24 Behold, here is my daughter a maiden, and his concubine; them I will bring out now, and humble ye them, and do with them what seemeth good unto you: but unto this man do not so vile a thing.

25 But the men would not hearken to him: so the man took his concubine, and brought her forth unto them; and they knew her, and abused her all the night until the morning: and when the day began to spring, they let her go.

26 Then came the woman in the dawning of the day, and fell down at the door of the man's house where her lord was, till it was light.

27 And her lord rose up in the morning, and opened the doors of the house, and went out to go his way: and, behold, the woman his concubine was fallen down at the door of the house, and her hands were upon the threshold.

28 And he said unto her, Up, and let us be going. But none answered. Then the man took her up upon an ass, and the man rose up, and gat him unto his place.


-Judges 19:18-28


Top
 
 Post subject: Re: Favorite Bible Passages
PostPosted: Wed April 18, 2018 6:38 pm 
Offline
User avatar
I've been POOSSTTIiiEEnngeeaahh
 Profile

Joined: Tue January 01, 2013 5:53 pm
Posts: 12077
I find myself drawn to that passage from Bonjovies.


Top
 
 Post subject: Re: Favorite Bible Passages
PostPosted: Wed April 18, 2018 6:42 pm 
Offline
User avatar
Polluted
 Profile

Joined: Tue January 01, 2013 10:27 am
Posts: 4202
Location: PM me, I have everything.
This thread makes me wanna do 'shrooms and listen to a Revelations Audiobook. But I'm too old to find mushrooms, which is most likely a good thing.


Top
 
 Post subject: Re: Favorite Bible Passages
PostPosted: Wed April 18, 2018 8:18 pm 
Offline
User avatar
Guys, I am not a moderator! I swear to God! Why does everyone think I'm a moderator?
 Profile

Joined: Tue January 01, 2013 2:48 pm
Posts: 46804
Self wrote:
This thread makes me wanna do 'shrooms and listen to a Revelations Audiobook. But I'm too old to find mushrooms, which is most likely a good thing.

Don't you live in the same town as Pete?

_________________
Clouuuuds Rolll byyy...BANG BANG BANG BANG


Top
 
 Post subject: Re: Favorite Bible Passages
PostPosted: Wed April 18, 2018 9:21 pm 
Offline
User avatar
Polluted
 Profile

Joined: Tue January 01, 2013 10:27 am
Posts: 4202
Location: PM me, I have everything.
E.H. Ruddock wrote:
Self wrote:
This thread makes me wanna do 'shrooms and listen to a Revelations Audiobook. But I'm too old to find mushrooms, which is most likely a good thing.

Don't you live in the same town as Pete?

No, but close enough that if he had mushrooms, and I wanted to do them...I'd probably still not do them.


Top
 
 Post subject: Re: Favorite Bible Passages
PostPosted: Wed April 18, 2018 10:29 pm 
Offline
User avatar
Site Admin
 Profile

Joined: Wed December 12, 2012 10:33 pm
Posts: 6932
I'm pretty certain the only Bible verse I could quote is the one from Pulp Fiction.


Top
 
 Post subject: Re: Favorite Bible Passages
PostPosted: Wed April 18, 2018 10:32 pm 
Offline
User avatar
An enigma of a man shaped hole in the wall between reality and the soul of the devil.
 Profile

Joined: Tue January 01, 2013 5:13 pm
Posts: 39543
Location: 6000 feet beyond man and time.
.

_________________
RM's resident disinformation expert.

“And truly, if life had no purpose, and I had to choose nonsense, this would be the most desirable nonsense for me as well."


Last edited by BurtReynolds on Mon March 06, 2023 6:22 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Top
 
 Post subject: Re: Favorite Bible Passages
PostPosted: Wed April 18, 2018 10:51 pm 
Offline
User avatar
Rank This Poster
 Profile

Joined: Mon March 18, 2013 11:48 pm
Posts: 5223
Location: A Dark Place
She got daddy issues for days.


31 And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth:

32 Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.

33 And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.

34 And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.

35 And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.

36 Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father.


- Genesis 19:31-36


Top
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 31 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

Board index » Word on the Street » News & Debate


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 32 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
It is currently Fri March 29, 2024 5:44 am